Do Not Cross
by SkyChasingDreamer
Summary: My own interpretation of the likeliest outcome if these two were ever to really date. Shizuo/Izaya and Izaya/Shizuo.


**Title: **Do Not Cross

**Rated: **NC17

**Pairing: **Shizuo/Izaya

**For**: As always, Lavi.

**Disclaimer: **No

**Do Not Cross**

It had started unconventionally, but that was nothing new for them.

One second they were fighting, the next their mouths were smashed together in a kiss that was harsh and lacking in all sense of finesse... and there was no common sense to speak of, truth be known. That first kiss had been a huge mistake, as had the second, the third, and the many others that soon followed.

Their first sexual experience together had been as rough as what they called kissing. Shizuo had ended up with a stab wound in his side and Izaya matching bruises on both biceps from where he'd been held. Yet even after that, they still came back for more time and time again. It was a dangerous game they played, one done in the shadows of daylight and the cover of night.

Izaya kept coming back and Shizuo kept going to meet him.

And then, some odd weeks later, the day came where a kiss became a _kiss_. Gone was the thrust of tongue and gnash of teeth, drawing blood and stretching flesh. The kiss became slow and gentle, an exploration of mouths. A chance to learn what made breaths hitch and lashes flutter, what felt good and what didn't, what brought out soft sighs and low, rumbling moans. Fingers carded through hair, tongues flicked and explored, met and slid together. Tastes were registered instead of tolerated as were unique scents of musk and smoke and citrus.

That endeavor had ended with the slash of a knife along a collarbone and a thrown mailbox, but there was no denying that something had changed. From then on those types of kisses lasted longer, touches grew softer, the topography of their bodies fit better. Less rush, more finesse. It was so wrong and it was so right. A conundrum in and of itself that cycled as the Ouroborus would, eating its own tail in a never ending oscillation of affliction.

From there, things only escalated. Their meetings happened more frequently and lasted longer. It was slow going, but they progressively fought less until there was hardly fighting to be found. And after the first time venturing from drab alleys to Izaya's apartment, Shizuo confided in Celty who then told Shinra by extension. Izaya didn't mind and from then on, going to or meeting up at Izaya's apartment became safe ground. They never went to Shizuo's place, thus keeping Izaya out of Ikebukuro while they both got something from the meeting. Sex was passionate and, more often than not, on the rough side, not that either minded because the roughness had lost the intention to hurt.

Before they knew it, two months had passed, then a third when they weren't looking. There was no lack of want for each other, the need to be body to body and skin to skin insatiable. They met when they could, be it once a week or as many as five. From each other they wanted nothing but release... until that began to change as well. Just as their kisses had begun to grow gentler and demand more, so, eventually, had sex.

Neither commented on the change, though both noticed because it was difficult not to. Izaya had been the first to take note considering he was the only one that bottomed and when bottoming became particularly _enjoyable_, even something he really began to look forward to, it was impossible not to notice.

It wasn't a relationship though – no, never that. Just continuous meetings that were mutually beneficial. They tried new things, tried harder to get each other off, and despite their differences and long history of latent hostility, they made what they had work.

-o-O-o-

_Ashes, Ashes_

-o-O-o-

There probably couldn't have been a nicer day for Shizuo to be stuck... inside. That always seemed to be the way it worked. When it was a nice day, all his jobs were inside, when it was shitty outside, that was where he ended up. But such was the life of the poor man trying to make a living and pay back his many outstanding debts. He was proud to say he hadn't destroyed anything for a few weeks, but that meant little when he still had more than enough damages to pay for.

He worked wherever he could, whenever he could and slowly, he was making progress. He was currently doing perhaps the most boring job in the city, but he was making the best of it since it paid pretty well. The job consisted of moving large boxes, too heavy for any normal person to move without the assistance of either more people or a machine. Shizuo found it easy, but the part where he had to go through each box after moving it and categorize its contents alphabetically, that was just annoying, not to mention frustrating. But he reminded himself time and time again that it was for the money and he at least had a window to look longingly out of while he worked.

Come lunchtime though, he bolted and the instant the sun touched his skin, he immediately felt better. Sunlight was practically one of his vices. The headache that had been forming went away, the slight chill he'd acquired from the musty air inside vanished, and his skin seemed to absorb the heat, taking it deep and retaining it there in some cavernous place inside him. He glorified in it as he started on his way, having a place to go and someone to meet.

Stopping by a vending machine he had yet to ever throw, truly one of the few lucky ones in Ikebukuro, he bought himself some lunch. It was just a small turkey sandwich and one of the only things that was within his price range. He continued on his way and only paused at a convenience store to pick up a beer – dirt poor or not, he could always afford a beer. Checking his phone, he made a mental note that he still had a solid forty minutes before he needed to be back to those damnable boxes. He walked a little faster to get to the small outcropping of trees surrounding the bench he always ate at, just to make sure he had as much time as possible there.

And as usual, Celty was already waiting. There were some days where she was off doing Shinra's bidding, but most of the time, she never missed a lunch with him. These lunches, as insignificant as they might seem, were really what kept him sane as he jumped from job to job to job everyday. Being with Celty was just so easy, he could always be himself with her. He told her practically everything, hence why she was the first and only one he'd felt comfortable talking to about Izaya. Yeah, Shinra knew too and Shizuo didn't mind that at all, but Shinra wasn't the one he went to when he needed advice.

"Celty," he greeted with a tip of his head.

She waved and no sooner had he sat down on their bench, she was pointing off to the right. He followed her finger, dipping his head to look over the top of his sunglasses, and snorted when he spotted a light brown coffee colored stray cat padding toward them.

"Moocher," he grumbled, ignoring the critter and opening up his turkey sandwich.

He was starving, having skipped breakfast because he'd woken up late. Well, he'd woken up on time, but the term 'five more minutes' never seemed to work out for him no matter how many times he utilized it. So, he practically shoved the first half of the sandwich in his mouth, pointedly looking away from Celty while she stared at him and crossed her arms.

"Don't you judge me," he mumbled around his mouthful of food, very aware of her penchant for manners. The cat had reached him by then and began twining around his legs, mewling pathetically. Mouth still full, he wriggled his leg away growling through food, "Gerr off."

It was only a halfhearted demand because he knew this particular stray. It came by almost everyday to filch food off him and _it knew where he lived._ On nights when he got back to his apartment late, it wasn't uncommon for the cat to be on the side of his building near the trashcans. In the winter he'd actually smuggled the thing up to his apartment a few times even though animals weren't allowed. It wasn't that he liked cats or anything, he could just kind of commiserate with a thing trying to survive and get by.

That was probably why he found himself eating half of the second part of his sandwich and dropping the rest of it to the ground. The cat fell on it ravenously, daintily picking out the turkey first, then biting into the bread when all the meat was gone. He ignored the nameless, homeless cat then and downed his beer in a few large gulps. The yeasty tang was satisfying and though the alcohol content was low, it was enough to take some of the edge off. Working with boxes created an edge, apparently... there had to be a joke in there somewhere, he just didn't see it.

"Ah," he sighed as he finished the bottle, feeling refreshed and less cranky with something substantial in his stomach.

There was just one thing missing to complete his lunch, possibly the most important thing. Shizuo pulled out his pack of cigarettes from his black jacket and took the end of a stick between his lips, taking the cigarette out that way. He put the pack away and patted his clothes for his lighter, but he couldn't feel it. He checked all his pockets, but came up empty handed.

Celty made a noise that eerily resembled a sigh and procured one for him in a small puff of smoke. He took it gratefully and lit up, handing the lighter back to Celty who banished it as quickly as she'd created it. He was smiling as he let out his first lungful of nicotine, feeling ten times better than he had when he woke. The sun, the food, especially Celty – all reasons why these lunches were so damn important. Without them, his debt to society would no doubt double, maybe even triple.

Celty brought out her phone and typed something out on it. She always waited until he was done eating before talking to him, something he appreciated because he knew that his attention span when food was present was next to nil.

_ "You're going to see Izaya today."_

Not a question, he noted, a statement.

He nodded. "Yeah, how'd you know?"

He found the clatter of her fingers against the keypad relaxing, a rhythmic constant that was familiar and soothing. Shizuo had never cared Celty had no head and therefore, couldn't speak. She spoke volumes in other ways and though he was often times too dense to pick up on half of it, he always did his best to listen.

When she held up her phone seconds later, he read, _"You smile more on the days you see him."_

He... did? He blinked and took a drag, never having noticed before. Sure enough though, there was a little smile on his face and when he tried to wipe it away, it just came back again.

"Probably just excited to maybe punch the louse."

Not true, he hadn't struck or wanted to strike Izaya for several weeks. There had been times where Izaya had gotten on his nerves, but the desire to land a punch or throw an inanimate object had diminished. Instead, he and Izaya clashed in a different way. With flesh and lips and nails raking over skin and –

He hastily took a drag, looking away as his face heated up with a blush. He shouldn't be thinking about such things in front of Celty! To hide his blush, he bent down and scratched the cat, who was silently grooming, behind the ears. It was a lame attempt at evasion, especially since Celty probably knew exactly where the blush had come from. The cat stopped cleaning itself and arched into his hand, purring so loud it vibrated against Shizuo's fingers. He continued to smoke and when he'd successfully calmed down, he realized something. Sitting up once more, he looked over at Celty, suddenly not caring whether the blush was still there or not – it wasn't like he could ever really hide anything from her anyway.

"Ne, what do you think of Izaya?" Shizuo asked, blowing out some smoke. He'd never asked before, finding that telling Celty he was sleeping with the flea outweighed most everything else. Like common sense and stupid things like logic.

For a long moment, Celty was silent, her body turned to him like she'd be staring if there were actually a head underneath the helmet. In that instant he could almost believe there were eyes behind the black visor because her attention seemed heavy somehow, leaden with something.

Finally, her fingers flew over the keypad of her phone and she lifted it up for him to see. _"He threw a rock at my horse..." _it read, as if that single sentence explained everything.

He threw his head back and laughed, a billow of smoke pluming out. "I'll be sure to tell him you said so!" She waved her hands frantically and he chuckled, dropping his finished cigarette and putting it out with the heel of his shoe. "Kidding. I was kidding."

Celty's shoulders slumped in relief and then she slapped his arm, probably for freaking her out. He gave her helmet a tap in retaliation and stood, shooing away the cat that had once more taken to wrapping around his legs. The stupid thing was going to get stepped on one of these days and it wasn't going to be his fault. He had half a mind to name it Underfoot since that where it usually was. And it always bother him, never Celty, which solidified his belief that the cat was mental, but that was beside the point.

"I should get going," he said, regretting he had to leave already. "If I don't finish by five I'll be late for my next job and will most likely get fired since I've already been late before."

She also stood, then waved and began to turn toward where her bike was parked on the street only to pause. He waited obediently because Celty never just paused for nothing.

Sure enough, she typed on her phone and held it up. _"Be careful."_

Shizuo's brows furrowed, but before he could ask exactly what she meant, she twiddled her fingers indecisively and gave his shoulder a few pats. Then, she was walking away, leaving him with an attention whore of a cat rubbing on his legs. He watched her go, a little contemplative frown on his face. He didn't know what she was getting at, so he shrugged it off and figured she was warning him not to dig himself even deeper into debt.

Pulling out his phone, he checked the time and cursed loudly. Muttering a farewell to the cat who meowed at him, he took off, his lunch break having ended three minutes ago.

-o-O-o-

A week later, Izaya closed his laptop and leaned back in his chair, his arms reaching up and bending back over his shoulders in a satisfying stretch. His work for the day was done and all in all, it had been rather mundane. Nothing of particular interest had shown up, but that was okay, he'd dig up something of worth the next day. Maybe. If he felt like it.

He was just about ready to get up when his phone trilled at him. Picking it up, he flicked it open with a twist of his wrist and smirked at the text from Shizuo that read, _"On my way up."_

"Let yourself in," he said out loud as he typed the short message and sent it.

The sun was going down, bathing his office in a yellow-orange glow. He got out of his plush leather chair, wrapped his furred coat tighter around himself, and shook his legs out, working the stiffness from them. He didn't mind sitting for extended periods of time, it was such a large part of his job, but after so long he just _had _to move. So, he paced slowly around his office, waiting for Shizuo to hunt him down. If there was any particular thing the monster was good at doing, it was finding Izaya. That certain ability was frustrating and uncanny. Whenever he used to venture into Ikebukuro, Shizuo would either find him right away or materialize out of the ground soon thereafter. Izaya just chalked it up to Shizuo being some kind of weird anomaly and dismissed it.

Surprisingly, Izaya wasn't at all bothered by Shizuo coming into his apartment or even his office. He didn't completely trust Shizuo, it was hard to after everything they'd been through, but he did feel a certain level of comfort when with the other, absurd though that may be. When not angry or agitated, Shizuo transformed into a different person. He was easy to read, kind – but perhaps that was generous – and there was something almost vulnerable about the man, fragile even. Whatever it was, it remained alluring in its own way, which made Shizuo a pretty easy person to deal with.

There was a knock on the door then and, ignoring the civility of the noise, Izaya called, "It's open!"

No sooner had the door opened, Shizuo, unsmiling, was striding in, still wearing his sunglasses, and sweeped Izaya off his feet. It was clumsily done, Izaya ending up almost elbowing Shizuo in the face and kicking his desk hard as he was sat upon the edge of it. Though it wasn't like he could protest because a pair of warm, eager lips were smashed against his mouth. Izaya might complain if there weren't something strangely endearing about it, no matter how sloppy it was. Besides, there was no denying that Izaya liked being wanted, craved so much that something like finesse was thrown to the wayside. So, he kissed back, doing his best to match the fierceness of Shizuo's kiss that inevitably sent a shudder down his spine.

Shizuo, he'd learned, was passionate. Izaya had somehow always known that because of the way Shizuo was when he was angry, but seeing that passion in a different context, it could be so breathtaking. It had him grasping at Shizuo with both hands, fingers sinking into soft blond hair. He took off the sunglasses, smirking momentarily into the kisses because honestly, what kind of idiot wore sunglasses inside? He blindly set the things aside and then took Shizuo's face between his hands. For a second, he wanted to dig his nails in and rake them down Shizuo's skin, but that passed as quickly as it had come.

Instead, he pulled back just enough so that their lips still brushed, his eyes meeting a pair of fiery golden ones, and he murmured a low, drawn out, "Slow."

It wasn't a command, more an amused prodding just before he pressed their mouths back together. Shizuo let him lead the kiss from there and he slowed it down, coaxing out just as much passion, but with simpler, smaller movements. It amused him to no end that he was still teaching Shizuo how to kiss. It had been obvious from the very beginning that Shizuo had no experience whatsoever and so Izaya had so graciously taken it upon himself to teach the dunce how to do it. He was actually proud to say that Shizuo was getting the hang of it when he wasn't too hasty. He liked to think of himself as a good teacher and, well, there had better be some improvement after all the time he'd put into it.

Izaya's eyes slipped shut and as they kissed, he reveled in Shizuo's heat. The man was always warm and if he could, he would steal it all. He wrapped his legs tightly around Shizuo's waist and held the other close, pilfering heat and enjoying the way he could feel hard muscle through clothing. The smell of musk and smoke took over his senses and he took a deep breath through his nose, filling his lungs with it and humming at the hidden scent of citrus.

Nothing was said as Izaya's pants were attacked and summarily yanked off. He didn't even have to do any work because Shizuo did everything for him. He was lifted, his pants and boxers were roughly removed, and then Shizuo was on him again. A hand wrapped around his cock, pumping and squeezing, while his mouth was devoured and consumed. His skin felt hot, his nerve endings sparking and firing rapidly and ceaselessly. That was what Shizuo did to him consistently and without fail, pulling from him an excited array of actions and reactions. He moaned under his breath and bit Shizuo's bottom lip hard enough to hurt, pulling the soft flesh outward as he slowly retreated.

"Hold on," Izaya panted, releasing Shizuo's lip and turning his head to the side so he could get a breath. Leaning back, he reached an arm back and slid one of his drawers open. From it, he fussed around until his fingers closed on what he was after. Straightening, he smirked and waved the tube of lube in Shizuo's face. "You'll be needing this."

Shizuo snatched it up and Izaya put one arm around Shiuzo's shoulders so he could brace himself as he was maneuvered so his ass was mostly off the desk. No time was wasted as Shizuo poured some lube on his fingers and lowered his hand to Izaya's backside. Izaya steeled himself for the slight pinch that came with being penetrated and so was already relaxed for Shizuo to wriggle his pointer finger in.

"I've been thinking about this all day," Shizuo growled, kissing up Izaya's neck.

Izaya chuckled and absently ran his right hand through Shizuo's hair, the strands soft as they ran through his fingers. "Does that mean you've been thinking of me or sex all day?"

"Sex," he replied immediately just before a blush slammed into his face and he looked away mumbling, "with you."

"Hmm... good."

Izaya rolled his hips slowly and hummed at the slight burn, head falling back a little. Shizuo's moan almost sounded like a whimper as he continued on with the prepping, a strong arm wrapped tight around Izaya's waist.

"Another," Izaya ordered and hummed when Shizuo's middle finger pressed in. "Set me on – hnn.. fire, make me _burn_."

Shizuo's blush deepened and Izaya thrilled in it, his heart jumping and hammering against his ribcage. The fingers inside him twisted and turned inexpertly, but the little bite of pain felt good. It awakened some deep part of Izaya, some rapacious part that only Shizuo could fulfill.

"C'mon, c'mon," he urged, canting his hips against Shizuo's hand.

Shizuo didn't let him down. He'd only been stretched by two fingers, but at the moment that was enough. Shizuo shoved him back, forcing him to lie flat on the desk. Izaya shut his eyes and listened to the sound of Shizuo fumbling with the lube again to slick his cock, his patience waning even more. He wanted to tell the bastard to hurry and he would have if Shizuo hadn't grabbed a tight, unyielding hold on his hips and begun to push in. Izaya hissed at the burn, but that almost immediately turned into a throaty moan as their skin met with a little slap.

The truth was, Shizuo hadn't been the only one thinking about this all day. Izaya wouldn't admit it, but the other had occupied his thoughts more than anything else had managed to. It was like no matter what was put in front of Izaya, the thought of Shizuo always won out. He craved the man, the feel of calloused hands on his body, the way Shizuo took whatever he wanted while giving Izaya his all in return.

Shizuo pulled out and thrust back in, giving Izaya little to no time to adjust to his girth. Pain lanced up Izaya's backside, his legs flailing for a moment as he struggled to find purchase around Shizuo's waist. On the next thrust, there was less pain, more pleasure and his legs tightened in a vice grip while his hands sought a hold on the desk. Only Shizuo could turn him into such a mess and he liked that where he knew he shouldn't.

"F-faster," Izaya hissed, eyes locking onto Shizuo's face.

Arousal colored the man's cheeks, a profound red flush that went down his neck and Izaya knew it bled into Shizuo's chest. Shizuo's lips were parted, teeth digging into his bottom lip and brows furrowed in concentration. True to Izaya's command, Shizuo's pace sped up and after a few clumsy thrusts, the tip of Shizuo's cock finally brushed the bundle of nerves buried deep within Izaya's body.

"H-hahh – fuck!" Izaya's back arched off the desk, his hands losing their grip as the pleasure began to outweigh the pain.

He groaned and a hand dug into his own hair while Shizuo took the cue and began pounding into him harder, keeping that same angle. Izaya's prostate was struck repeatedly, his vision turning darker and speckled with a thrush of white stars. His cock was hard and heavy on his stomach, leaking precum freely onto his skin. His other hand went down, wrapping around his length and pumping in time with Shizuo's powerful thrusts.

It was good before, but it quickly became brilliant. Shizuo's grunts and moans filled Izaya's head, as did the sound of their skin slapping together again and again and again. His thumb ran over the head of his dick and his eyes slammed shut as the pleasure continued to build. White fire worked its way up his spine and pooled in his gut, his skin steadily feeling hotter and hotter. He fought for air with ragged breaths and his head thrashed to one side, his fingers tightening in his own hair and pulling to add a bit of pain to his pleasure. Shizuo's hands dug into his hips, nails and fingers pressing in hard enough to indent his skin.

Izaya grit his teeth, but when his orgasm hit him in an unforgiving wave, he shouted out his pleasure. Ropes of cum colored his stomach, his hips bucking while his muscles locked up. He felt more than heard Shizuo's release, the other slamming into him and shuddering hard, cum filling him to the brim. Izaya went slack against the desk, eyes still shut as he panted to get his breath back. His heart was racing in his chest, showing no signs of slowing, and his mind was satiated and sluggish.

"You can pull out now," he said after awhile when the ache of being stretched began to permeate through his post coital bliss.

With a grunt, Shizuo obediently did as he was told, his cum loyally following his dick out. The grip on Izaya loosened and released, but he was quite content to just lie there on his desk. The sun was gone, the room had gone dark save for one lamp and he was tired. He heard the rustling of clothes and knew Shizuo was fixing his pants. Izaya just continued to lie there, blinking his eyes open so he could stare at the ceiling.

"It's... er... I should get going."

It wasn't uncommon for them to fuck and go their separate ways, though they had been spending more time together as of late. Izaya couldn't classify that as a good or bad thing, all he could really say was that more time together meant more sex and that certainly wasn't bad. Especially now that Shizuo was starting to really get the hang of it, not that the other was a terrible partner or anything. Really, it amused Izaya immensely that he'd been Shizuo's first, something he'd really had to wheedle out of Shizuo whose face had lit up upon the admittance just before he'd fled, muttering hasty excuses.

"Work tonight?"

"Ah, yeah... late night."

Izaya roused and forced himself to sit up, ignoring the slight ache in his ass. "Hm... fine. But take me to bed first."

Shizuo looked so delightfully unsure, fingers twitching slightly, cheeks tinted with a lingering blush, and eyes skittering to the side. Izaya used to find it annoying until he'd realized just how genuine the actions were, that knowledge somehow changing the way he looked at Shizuo, warping his perspective even more.

"Right, I'll just..."

"Bring me some tissue," Izaya supplied, waving a hand toward the box on one of the shelves to the left.

It was almost funny how fast Shizuo scurried off, bringing the whole damn box back with him instead of just grabbing a few. Izaya pulled some out and did his best to wipe the cum from between his legs and off his stomach, biting his lip to keep from laughing at the way Shizuo reddened and looked away.

Wadding up the used tissue, Izaya tossed them in the trash beside his desk and beckoned Shizuo closer. "This is the part where you save me the trouble of walking."

"D-don't you want your, uh, clothes?"

Izaya shook his head and held his arms out expectantly. "Why would I want dirty clothes? Now, up!"

After a little more shuffling, Shizuo lifted Izaya up off the desk, strong arms wrapping under his knees and around his back. He slumped into the hard body holding him and was wickedly amused that Shizuo still wouldn't look at him. The trip to his room was a short one since it was just down the hall to the right and he openly laughed when Shizuo's foot hit the base of the ficus tree that was sitting to the left of the door. It wasn't the first time Shizuo had hit it and he was sure it wouldn't be the last. When he was sat down on his bed, he pulled off coat and then his shirt, tossing them to the opposite side of the bed. There was no light on, but the light from the hall provided enough for him to see Shizuo.

"You sleep... naked?" Shizuo asked in a strangled voice, standing at the end of the bed and openly staring now.

"Tonight I am."

"Oh..."

"Something to think about while you're working."

Shizuo spluttered and abruptly looked up, face awash with red. Izaya slipped under the covers, sure that it would be a good idea to shower first, but suddenly not caring. He'd shower in the morning or something, whenever the hell he felt like it.

"Right, I'll just be g-going," Shizuo mumbled, retreating for the door. "Sleep well..."

Izaya fully intended to do just that and raised a hand, moving his fingers in a little wave. There was nothing like a good fuck before bed and even though he hadn't done much work throughout the day, he still found himself to be tired. He waited until Shizuo was well and truly gone before shutting his eyes and drifting off.

It felt like he'd only just fallen asleep when his doorbell buzzer started going off. And he knew exactly who it was. How? Because any normal person would press the buzzer once, twice, maybe three times, then leave. There was only one person Izaya knew who would press the buzzer repeatedly and at different intervals to make a song.

For some reason, Shinra was at his door at, he glanced at the clock on his nightstand, two in the morning.

Grumbling, Izaya got out of bed and threw on his red robe, wincing slightly at the pang in his backside as he tied the robe around him. He left his room, gracefully skirting around the ficus tree, and descended the stairs, utterly bemused as the buzzer kept right on singing.

Pressing his finger on the button, he snapped into the intercom, "What do you want Shinra?"

_"Let me up!"_

"Why should I?"

_"You're already awake, so why not?"_

"Because you're bothersome and always so difficult to get rid of."

Shinra laughed. _"Think of it this way, if you don't let me up I'll just keep making sweet music with this buzzer of yours."_

Whelp, Shinra had him there. "Fine, but you're not staying long."

He pushed the second button on the pad that would unlock the front door and waited for the inevitable knock. When it came, he opened up and glared at Shinra's stupid grinning face.

Shinra looked him up and down, then grinned even bigger. "Nice sex hair."

Izaya deadpanned. "I will slam this door in your face, what do you want?"

"What else? To poke and prod and gain some more insight to that wonderful mind of yours."

"I should have known," he stepped aside, "come on in, but –"

"I'm not staying long," Shinra cut in, sticking out his tongue as he went for the living room and turning on lights like he lived there.

Izaya shut the door and followed, ending up curled on the couch while Shinra sat on the leather armchair. He ran a hand through his hair, waiting for the 'good' doctor to start. It wasn't really surprising Shinra was up at such an hour, his work taking him anywhere at anytime of any given day. Such was the life of an underground doctor and Shinra loved it, the unlicensed freak.

"Okay, what is it that couldn't wait?" Izaya asked, legs tucked neatly under him and robe wrapped tight.

"I need your help."

"I've known that for a long time."

Shinra gave him a bemused look. "As always, you're hilarious."

"That's a given. Now, what is it you need help with?"

"Information."

"Oh?"

Shinra nodded and folded his hands in his lap. "See if you can find out if there's a new gang forming anywhere."

"A new gang?" Izaya asked dubiously.

"Don't look at me like that, I wouldn't come to you if I didn't have good reason to. There has been a lot of hate crimes against other gangs – kidnappings, hit and runs, stuff like that. Those kidnapped show up mutilated, tortured before they were killed if I were to guess because of the wound pattern. So far there are eleven people missing, eight found and identified, and none of them have been civilians. That's not a coincidence, I'm convinced."

Izaya hummed, then shrugged. "I'll see what I can do."

Shinra's eyes narrowed at him. "That's it?"

"Pretty much."

"I'm just surprised, that seems... too easy."

"I told you I didn't want you staying long, the easiest way to get rid of you is to tell you what you want to hear. And you could have just emailed me or called instead of waking me up."

"I could have, but you tend to delete my emails and ignore my calls."

Izaya snorted, musing, "So you do learn after all. Why don't you have your precious dullahan look into it for you?"

"Eh, she has better things to do and _you're_ the informant."

"Better things to do," Izaya scoffed. "Like what? Walk around the apartment for your own personal ogling?"

"That and much more," Shinra replied with a cheeky wink.

Izaya rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I said I'll see what I can do, so get out."

Surprisingly, Shinra actually stood. "All right, all right, I can see when I'm not wanted."

"Only when it suits," Izaya mumbled under his breath.

Shinra straightened out his clothes, an action that Izaya found rather odd. He remained curled up on the couch, unwilling just yet to unravel himself and expose his feet, which were burrowed into the cushions, to the harsh, unforgiving cold floor. Shinra dawdled a bit more, finding stupid excuses to loiter, then finally turned for the door only to pause. If Izaya weren't so curious, he probably would have kicked Shinra out. But as it stood, he remained silent, telling himself that he was too tired to put in the effort it would take to force the other out.

"One more thing, about Shizuo..." Shinra trailed off and if it wasn't the tone of his voice that told Izaya what was to come wouldn't be good, it was the look on his face.

"What about him?"

Shinra gave him a searching look, but whatever he was looking for, he must not have found because he just shook his head. "Just don't fuck it up."

Now, that was different. Shinra, happy go lucky _Shinra_, rarely cussed like that, let alone get so serious. Regardless, the words rankled and put Izaya on the immediate defensive.

"I'll keep that in mind. I believe you know where the door is."

"I didn't mean –"

"I know what you meant," Izaya interrupted evenly as he stood, braving the chill so he could get back to his bed. "Go on, don't keep your headless wonder waiting."

The comment was barbed and he knew it struck when Shinra didn't say anything and simply left. Izaya didn't care, he was glad to be alone again. No one had any right to tell him what to do in regards to Shizuo, that was between him and the protozoan. He didn't care if certain others knew he was having regular sex with Shizuo, it was only when they butted in with useless advice that pissed him off.

'Just don't fuck it up.'

Izaya ground his teeth and silently ascended the stairs, the words going through his head. The way Shinra had said it held implications Izaya found unsavory. Like _he'd _be the one to fuck things up instead of Shizuo.

Whatever. What did Shinra know?

Crawling back into bed, Izaya buried himself under the covers and shoved his face into his pillow, intent on forgetting the whole conversation. Why should he do Shinra any favors? That was spiteful, he knew, but he also didn't care. Snuggling ever deeper into his mountain of blankets, Izaya perished the thoughts and went to sleep.

-o-O-o-

_We All_

-o-O-o-

Almost three weeks had passed and Izaya was once more sitting on his couch. He hadn't heard a peep from Shinra and hadn't tried to contact the man. Nor had he lifted a finger to look into what Shinra had asked of him. Really, he'd been too preoccupied with Shizuo and other, more interesting, things to spare Shinra and the little task a single thought.

Currently, Izaya was waiting for Shizuo to join him. He had the TV on and had spent several hours on his computer. He'd worked some, but had lost interest soon thereafter and had instead found other means to amuse himself. Shizuo was on his way, having just finished work for the night or a few hours, Izaya didn't know or particularly care. He was a little grumpy, the beginning of a headache forming behind his eyes from looking at the computer for too long.

Izaya heard the door open and close, then called out, "In the living room!"

"Fuck!" Faint rustling and a dull thud followed the word and Izaya knew what was coming even before Shizuo yelled, "You moved the ficus tree!" A short pause. "_Why_ did you move the ficus tree?"

"You kept running into him on the way to my room, so I put him over there to lift his spirits with some sunlight," Izaya called back, smirking as he sprawled out over the couch on his back, hands behind his head.

Shizuo's feet could be heard against the flooring and then his head appeared around the corner. "_Him_?" Shizuo's eyes narrowed and a brow raised high, face screwing up into a befuddled look. "Your ficus tree has a gender?"

Izaya made a noncommittal sound and shrugged. "When I feel like it."

"You should just burn the damn thing."

"Absolutely not."

Shizuo sat on the end of the couch, grumbling something unintelligible, but that quickly got drowned out by a loud, unholy rumbling.

"Hungry," Shizuo mumbled pathetically, a hand going to his stomach.

"Let's order in."

He could see the surprise on Shizuo's face since normally they just got right to the sex. Lately Shizuo had been staying later, they'd been talking more, and Shizuo had even spent the night a few times since they hadn't started until late, so Izaya didn't see a big deal in getting something to eat.

"Ah, sure... where from?"

Izaya brought out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. "I know a good sushi place that delivers. What do you want?"

Shizuo paused, clearly grappling to keep up. "What... w-whatever you're having is fine."

Nodding, Izaya made the call, placed the order, and – "It'll be here in twenty."

Awkward fidgeting, Shizuo was doing it and it garnered Izaya's immediate attention because that was something of a pet peeve. "If you have something to say, say it."

"No! Well... yeah – I mean! Ugh –" Shizuo broke off with a frustrated noise, collected himself, and tried again, not looking at Izaya. "I don't have any money with me."

"That's it?" Izaya dismissed it with a wave of his hand. "Don't worry about it, I'm hungry so dinner is on me."

The way Shizuo's cheeks puffed out slightly would almost be cute if he didn't look so stupid. "I'll buy next time then."

"Whatever you say," Izaya scoffed with a smirk and a little shake of his head.

Leave it to Shizuo to get bent out of shape about who pays what for dinner. For the next half hour they alternated between talking and staring at the TV, neither really watching what was on. The expanses silence were comfortable for the most part, though it was a bit of a relief when the buzzer announced the arrival of the food and Izaya was able to pull out his wallet. Taking out some bills, he tossed them toward Shizuo, prodding the other insistently with his foot.

"Go get it, I need fed."

Snorting, Shizuo got up and obediently did as he was told. When Shizuo returned a few minutes later, Izaya took his box, snagged his chopsticks, and _feasted._ All he saw was precious sushi, he was starving! He didn't care that he was stuffing his face, nor did he care when Shizuo laughed at him – though he did swat him for it – all he cared about was feeding the beast in his belly.

"There's rice on your cheek."

Izaya threw a piece of food, a small piece because he was unwilling to part with any more than that, and glared at an extremely flabbergasted looking Shizuo. "There's a piece of ginger in your hair. Shut up and eat your food, asshole."

Shizuo's eyes crossed to look up at the ginger clinging for dear life to his bangs and Izaya smothered a laugh by shoving of rather large bite of food into his mouth. They ate the rest of their meal in silence, Shizuo going to the fridge when they were both almost done and bringing back a couple waters. Shizuo also took the trash and disposed of it, which Izaya found handy, specifically since he didn't have to lift a finger to do anything.

When Shizuo returned from that, Izaya stated simply, "I'm topping."

"...huh?"

Shizuo blinked at him, eyes big and so fucking _innocent_, it was clear the moron didn't get it. Izaya wanted to either face palm or hit the idiot. He did neither, of course, instead choosing a more candid approach.

"My dick," he said and it was actually amusing the way Shizuo's gaze flicked down to that particular part of Izaya's anatomy. When that bright golden stare was on him again, he pointedly slapped a hand against the side of Shizuo's rear finishing, "Your ass."

"Ah." They stared at each other and Izaya could practically see the cogs working in Shizuo's head.

Izaya was waiting for Shizuo to challenge him, to stand against him in a whirlwind of 'absolutely not!' Shizuo could be such a force when angered, but he was disappointed when Shizuo blinked some more, then nodded.

"Okay... I guess..."

There wasn't a trace of anger, just slight apprehension and though Izaya should be happy Shizuo trusted him so readily, there was still that pang of dissatisfaction amidst the gratitude and flood of arousal. It was something of a wonder he hadn't topped yet, that he liked bottoming so much was irrelevant because it felt good. There was just something about a hard, strong body taking control over him that was altogether enticing. He'd topped others before too, but to top Shizuo, truly the strongest person he'd ever encountered... that made his mouth water.

Standing, he turned off the TV. "Come on, we're going upstairs."

Shizuo followed like an anxious puppy and Izaya didn't really give it a second thought. He led the way upstairs and began taking off his clothes once they'd reached his room. He gave Shizuo a pointed look and the other began undressing as well. Normally they ripped off each others clothes or undressed one another, but this just wasn't one of those times.

"Get on the bed."

Shizuo did so without hesitation and Izaya bit back a small well of frustration. Where was the fight? No, he didn't want to fight with Shizuo by way of punches and hits, but a little heated resistance might have been nice. He obviously wasn't going to get it though, so he put paid to the thought and perished it.

Grabbing the lube from his nightstand, Izaya spread some of the clear substance on the fingers of his right hand, then tossed the bottle to the side. He was aware of Shizuo intently watching his every move as he shuffled on his knees into the best position between Shizuo's legs, but he ignored it. That gaze was entirely too distracting in most cases. Though, Izaya did look up as he began to lower himself just so he could see for himself the way Shizuo's eyes darkened with lust, want, and need for _him._

"Relax," Izaya said huskily, opening his mouth wide to take in the head of Shizuo's dick.

He ran his tongue over the crown and wriggled the tip into the small slit at the top. It definitely wasn't the first blowjob he'd given Shizuo, but he was determined to make it his best one considering where his fingers were about to go. Shizuo was so simpleminded, Izaya was sure that if he gave the bastard enough of a distraction, he wouldn't even notice he was being fingered. Or perhaps that was wishful thinking.

Izaya hummed lowly as Shizuo's cock pulsed and got harder against his tongue, his lips stretching further the more he took in. He wasted little time raising his right hand and finding the ring of furrowed muscles guarding Shizuo's entrance. What he did waste time on was lightly following that ring with the tip of his pointer finger, letting Shizuo really feel it before he began to press the digit in. And the very first thing he noticed when he did so was the impossible heat. He'd always known Shizuo was inhumanly warm, but inside the man was even hotter, damn near scalding.

His brows furrowed as he moaned, garnering an even louder groan from Shizuo who, despite it being his first time bottoming, was pretty relaxed. Izaya swirled his finger and bobbed his head, taking Shizuo in as deep as he could, the taste of precum getting stronger each time. It was when he added a second finger that Shizuo really tensed and to fix that, Izaya brought up his free hand to cup and roll the other's sack. Shizuo cussed impressively and shuddered, hips canting. Izaya took that as a sign to start scissoring the fingers he had buried in Shizuo's ass and before long he had to release the other's cock from his mouth because the idiot kept bucking and damn near choking him.

It left his mouth with a pop and slapped wetly against Shizuo's lower stomach, the sound lewd and arrant. Being able to look up now, Izaya did and moaned to himself at the sight Shizuo made. The other's cheeks were flushed and his mouth was open wide as he panted heavily. But it was Shizuo's eyes that really made the image so striking – they were gleaming with a lusty sheen and practically on fire, burning right into Izaya's soul.

Quickly adding a third finger, he ignored Shizuo's grunt of discomfort and began hooking his fingers, searching for the other's prostate. He swirled to the left, then right, making slow sweeps so he wouldn't miss it. Moving his fingers up and back, the tip of his middle finger brushed what he was looking for and he smirked as Shizuo yelped and suddenly barreled down on his fingers.

"So needy," Izaya murmured and Shizuo groaned, head falling back against the bed.

"E-enough," Shizuo stuttered out while Izaya's fingers continued to prod at the tight bundle. "I-it's en—ough..."

Pulling his fingers out, Izaya grabbed the lube once more and poured some into his palm. He hissed as he slicked himself, his cock hard and throbbing against his palm. For a moment, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling, though he stopped, smirking, when Shizuo made a soft keening noise.

"W-want you," Shizuo breathed lowly, voice thick.

And how was Izaya supposed to say no to that? He got out from between Shizuo's legs and moved to the right, pushing the other with his hands until Shizuo rolled. Izaya didn't know why, but he didn't want them to be facing each other. He couldn't place exactly why and he had a willing body right in front of him, waiting to be fucked, so he tossed the feeling out.

He settled down behind Shizuo so they were back to chest and maneuvered Shizuo when he needed to – the man really was hopeless most of the time. Taking his own cock in his hand, he lined himself up and pressed forward, hissing loudly as he was encompassed in a tight heat. He felt Shizuo seize up, but he didn't stop until he was all the way in, ignoring the other's low curses. When he was finally balls deep, his right arm went under Shizuo's head, his left one hooking under Shizuo's leg to hold it up and spread the other's legs wider.

Izaya began to move, his nose pressed into Shizuo's hair where he was assaulted by the tangy mix of smoke and citrus. It was a clean smell and an addicting one, he'd always thought so and it proved true still. Shizuo cussed and his left arm flopped back, his hand angling up to sift into Izaya's hair. It was a firm hold, but Izaya didn't mind since it actually felt good. Shizuo's right hand was clutching tightly at the red bedspread, golden eyes clamped shut tight and Izaya... liked that.

He began moving, pulling back, then thrusting in, giving Shizuo zero time to adjust. He told himself it was because he wanted Shizuo so much, but he was also very aware that there was a darker reason for it. Something he fervently ignored and instead narrowed all his focus onto Shizuo.

It was gratifying when Shizuo began to moan and writhe, albeit very slowly. Muscles twitched beneath skin and Izaya adjusted his hips as they moved against one another, trying to locate Shizuo's prostate. It was a difficult position for that, but Izaya managed. He knew he found it when Shizuo cried out and held on tighter. From there it was like clockwork. The more Izaya thrust, the more Shizuo bucked.

It was nice.

"Cum for me," Izaya whispered against Shizuo's ear as the passion began to reach its pinnacle.

That, too, was like clockwork. Shizuo's body jerked and twitched, there was a hoarse cry and Shizuo's release was let out over the bed. Izaya followed soon after, moaning as Shizuo's velvety walls rippled around him, clamping down and practically milking Izaya's orgasm from him. He came hard, his eyes closing much like Shizuo's had done. That familiar heat spread through his every extremity and then he turned boneless. Shizuo was a heavy lump in his arms, both of them panting and catching their breath.

It was good.

"Pulling out," Izaya mumbled when he'd caught his breath.

Shizuo winced, but didn't complain and they lapsed into silence. It was a comfortable quiet and Izaya grabbed some tissue for them off the nightstand. He cleaned himself up, gave the tissue to Shizuo, then made himself a little nest amongst the plush pillows and downy blankets. Shizuo used some of the tissues, blushing bright when he had to clean his ass, and got up to throw the soiled things away. On his way back to the bed, he stooped down to pick up his pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his fallen clothes.

"Here," Izaya said upon seeing them. Shizuo gave him a weird look, so Izaya clarified impatiently, "I want one."

Taking the cigarette when it was proffered, he let Shizuo light him up and took a deep breath, sighing it out slowly, relishing the nicotine. He didn't smoke often, but when he did, it was with nothing but pleasure. Feeling a heavy gaze on him, he looked over at Shizuo and raised a brow.

"What?"

Shizuo smiled and shook his head. "Nothing."

Izaya deadpanned. "Creep."

"You look good like that," Shizuo admitted with an almost bashful duck of his head.

"Naked or smoking?"

It was admittedly somewhat endearing when Shizuo blushed and looked off to the side mumbling, "Both."

"Good answer," Izaya replied. "Will you be staying the night?"

"I... if that's okay."

Izaya shrugged. "I don't see why not."

He snuffed out his cigarette by tossing it into a glass half full of water that he'd left on his nightstand and burrowed deeper into his covers. When Shizuo finished, he took that cigarette and did the same with it. Turning off the light, he settled down again and listened to Shizuo shuffling around in the dark, trying to find his way beneath the covers.

As expected, Shizuo's arm draped over his waist, their bodies were pressed close, and nothing was said. Izaya didn't ask what Shizuo thought of bottoming, they'd both gotten off so that was a good enough sign. There was something stirring in his gut, an extra feeling where there used to only be satisfaction after sex.

But Izaya ignored it once more and went to sleep, something that was easy to do with his own personal body heater touching him at every possible point.

-o-O-o-

A couple weeks later found Izaya going to meet Shizuo. He almost hadn't wanted to, but the man had been so insistent that he found he couldn't say no.

And... it was kind of nice walking into Ikebukuro without having to worry about Shizuo trying to kill him or run him off... it was also kind of extremely boring. Where was the excitement? Lost and gone, apparently. But then, there was a new kind of excitement, wasn't there? He was there to see Shizuo and judging by the flip of his stomach, that was exciting.

Suddenly, a sign post came flying toward his head and it would have hit him had he not ducked, lost his balance, and fallen to his ass. He was so surprised that all he could do was blink and watch as Shizuo came running over, sunglasses glinting in the light of the early afternoon.

"What the hell was that for?" Izaya demanded, standing up and brushing himself off with all the dignity he could muster.

"I'm sorry!" Shizuo blurted, truly contrite while his lips slowly morphed into an amused smirk. "Really, I am! It was just a natural reaction!"

Izaya, though he was finding it hard to be annoyed, shook his head, grousing, "You never do anything I want you to, Shizu-chan."

"I try to! It was an honest mistake! It has just been so long since you've been in Ikebukuro!"

A tentative smile was pulling on Shizuo's lips and he looked so happy, Izaya just couldn't... he had to...

"It's all right, just – you know, _think_ next time."

That small twitch of Shizuo's lips turned into a full blown smile. "Is this the part where you make a slur against my intelligence and I get mad and try to chase you into oncoming traffic?"

"It could be, but getting hit by cars is your thing, not mine, so you wouldn't be doing yourself any favors."

Shizuo laughed – a bright, ringing sound and something Shizuo had been doing a lot more of – and apologized again.

Izaya waved it off with a flick of his hand saying, "I hope you didn't bring me here just to throw things at me."

"No, no," Shizuo assured, a smile still on his face. "I thought we could stay at my place tonight."

Izaya considered that, then shook his head. "No, let's go back to mine."

It wasn't that he didn't want to see Shizuo's apartment or even that he felt uncomfortable going there, he just liked his own place. Shizuo, he knew, wasn't well off financially and it made Izaya a little leery on the conditions of the other's housing. He was interested to see it, but not interested enough at the moment to potentially risk his immediate health.

Shizuo's smile didn't even falter, Izaya noticed. "That's fine, just thought I'd offer. In that case, will you come with me real quick?"

"As long as it doesn't take too long."

Shizuo bounced a little on his feet in indecision, then tugged at Izaya's sleeve. "Er... this way."

Izaya promptly slapped Shizuo's hand away and noted that they were headed the opposite direction of where his apartment would be. He liked being outside and he liked Ikebukuro, but knowing that all the people would see him and Shizuo together, that didn't quite sit well with him. He wasn't ashamed, it was just that their rivalry was legendary and he didn't want people gawking to see them being civil.

He needn't have worried though, most of the people only gave them a curious glance and no more. Izaya waited for someone to point or others to gape, but it never happened. Had it really been so long since he'd been in Ikebukuro? When was the last time he'd been in the area?

He... couldn't recall. Months, at least. Surely people hadn't forgotten him just for being absent a little while, right?

They stopped at a convenience store and Izaya waited outside while Shizuo went in. His gaze swept over the passing people and most of them didn't give him a single glance. A frustration was building inside him, though he kept it well hidden. It was just a little disquiet, nothing to worry about.

Shizuo returned and they started walking again, Izaya becoming more irked the farther they went. So, it was a relief when Shizuo stopped next to a bench and sat down. Izaya sat down too thinking they'd be having lunch or something, but Shizuo didn't move or say anything. They just sat.

A rustling sound made Izaya look up and spot – "A cat."

"It's a stray," Shizuo supplied, seeming pleased with himself.

Izaya rolled his eyes. "A stray cat then, what of it?"

Shizuo pulled out a single can of cat food from the bag and opened it before setting it on the ground. "I usually meet Celty for lunch here and it tends to show up. I think it lives in the alley next to my apartment building."

"That's nice," Izaya mumbled, watching the cat down the food in quick little bites.

It was pretty, he relented, its coat a nice shade of brown, but that was the extent of his praise. The cat was probably riddled with fleas and diseases, therefore, it wasn't something he wanted anywhere near him.

"You're kind of like a stray cat, you know," Shizuo went on. "Always wandering into Ikebukuro even though it's not your home."

"If I have a home, I'm not a stray," was the first thing that came to mind. He ignored the stab of annoyance that went through his gut, thinking that he _used _to always wander into Ikebukuro. He was silent for a moment, then added with a huff, "And I'm not a cat, either."

"Never said you were, I said you were like one."

"Whatever. Are you done? Can we go?"

Shizuo dumped the food out of the can and stood, throwing the can away in a nearby receptacle. "Yeah, all done."

"Good," Izaya sighed, relieved.

He'd entered Ikebukuro alone, but he left with company. He'd never admit that for the first time, he was actually glad to put Ikebukuro behind him.

And he hated that.

-o-O-o-

A few days later, Shizuo pushed his way into Izaya's apartment, having gotten in thanks to a woman in the building who recognized him. They'd gotten to the door at the same time and he'd held it open for her since her arms had been full of groceries. He'd offered to take them for her, an offer that she'd taken him up on gratefully. Good deed for the day, completed.

"Hey! I'm here!" he announced, a smile on his face. There was no answer though and the living room was empty, so he headed for the stairs. He reached the top and since the office door was open, the room looking void of life, he turned the corner toward Izaya's room only to run right into the ficus. "Fuck!"

He managed to grab the stupid thing before it toppled over and he swore Izaya moved it just to fuck with him. He made sure it was stable before he gave it the bird and continued on down the hall. The door was open a crack, the light of a single bedside lamp the only source of light in the rather large room. Knocking softly as he let himself, both his brows rose at the sight of Izaya sprawled out in the middle of the bed wearing a black shirt and jeans, arms spread wide on either side of him.

"Uh... flea?"

Izaya eyes slit open, though they remained on the ceiling. "Don't just loiter in the doorway."

He hurriedly closed the door behind him and moved to the right side of the bed where he sat down hesitantly on the edge. He twisted his body so he could look at Izaya who still wasn't looking at him, just staring impassively upward.

"You okay?" Shizuo asked after a lengthy silence, more than a bit unsure of himself as he sort of nudged Izaya in the side with his elbow.

"Fine."

The word was slightly clipped, but it didn't seem like Izaya was mad or even upset. Shizuo's stomach still sank, a nervous uneasiness settling in his gut. He'd never seen Izaya like this, so unresponsive, like he didn't give a single fuck what happened to him or anyone else around him. He wasn't depressed, but he was clearly melancholic or something. Shizuo felt he had to do something, but he didn't know what.

Going with the first thing that came to mind, Shizuo grabbed Izaya from behind and pulled the other to him, his strong arms wrapped around a trim waist. He sat down on the bed and manhandled Izaya into sitting across his lap, which wasn't at all difficult to do.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Shizuo growled under his breath, starting to get frustrated. "That's... it's not nothing!"

Izaya head rested against Shizuo's shoulder, that red gaze looking close to bored. It made Shizuo's heart hurt, something had to have happened! He'd seen Izaya only a couple days before and the other had been perfectly fine. Or so he'd thought. Had he missed something? Had he _done _something?

A wild feeling gripped him at the thought and he quickly asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

Izaya snorted and shook his head. "No."

"I don't know what to do, tell me what you want!"

He was grabbing at straws, but he'd do anything to make this listlessness stop, anything to put an end to the melancholia.

"Fuck me hard, break me in half – I don't care what you do," Izaya replied, actually smirking. "You're a monster, it should be easy for you."

Shizuo's blood turned to ice and he shoved his face into Izaya's neck where he pressed light kisses. "Don't say that."

"What? You said you'd make it happen," Izaya snapped, fingers twisting in Shizuo's shirt.

"And I will, just... not like that."

He didn't wait for a response and instead picked Izaya up, his stomach clenching uncomfortably when Izaya didn't even try to fight him. Not so very long ago he might have lost his temper and punched the bastard, but that was before he'd started to really care for Izaya. It hurt to see Izaya like this and Shizuo felt helpless, not knowing what to do or what Izaya really wanted. It almost... it felt like Izaya was slipping away from him and hell no was that happening! He wouldn't let it!

Going to the bathroom, he put Izaya, fully clothed, into the tub. Turning on the water, he tested it with his hand, adjusted the knobs, then turned on the shower head when it got to a good temperature that was hot, but not scalding. It hadn't escaped him that Izaya thrived on heat, so he'd provide that if not with the water, then with his own body.

Keeping his own clothes on, Shizuo lowered himself and made his way into the tub. The spray from the shower doused him as he crawled on top of Izaya, his back arching to press their bodies together. He nuzzled into Izaya's neck and began alternating between kissing and nipping the soft skin there. He needed to wake Izaya up, to pull the other from this oppressive stupor that had itself bound so tightly around Izaya.

His hands went down and popped the button of Izaya's pants, one hand sliding in, subsequently pulling down the zipper, while his other hand braced on the rim of the tub. He cupped Izaya's groin and began to knead, fingers working the other to hardness while his lips kissed and teeth nipped. He didn't want to use force – he did, but he didn't. He cared for Izaya, he really did, so force wasn't necessary, or so he hoped.

Izaya responded to him, cock hardening and reassured by that, he kept doing it. He was pressed up behind Izaya, his chest to the other's back. He began to kiss Izaya's neck, fingers continuing to knead and caress. With some prompting, Izaya's head turned and Shizuo took that opportunity to slant their mouths together. He kissed Izaya as passionately as he could, putting as much of himself into it as possible. He'd make Izaya feel, he'd give Izaya whatever was needed to pull him from this funk. Their lips eventually parted with a smack, both of them panting, the water sluicing down and around their clothed bodies.

"Breaking me with a different kind of torture," Izaya panted, a light finally gleaming in his carmine gaze. "Shizu-chan, you're so cruel."

Shizuo huffed, somewhat relieved, and kissed Izaya again just as passionately. His right left Izaya's hard length and slid around to the other's ass, slowly pushing Izaya's pants and boxers down with the movement. Following the curve made by twin globes, he pushed his hand between them and glided downward until his pointer finger touched a ring of furrowed skin. It clenched beneath his touch and it made him moan softly, his patience already waning. With little warning, he slid his pointer finger in, encompassing it in a tight, warm heat. But even that part of Izaya didn't resist him, the other just going along with it, body mostly slack.

It was worrisome – Izaya never acted like this, so despondent and seemingly numb. It made Shizuo double his efforts by pressing biting, sucking kisses wherever his mouth could reach skin and add a second finger. Izaya soon began to moan and buck back against him, steadily coming to life. Shizuo was determined to make his lover feel, because Izaya was just that, his lover, and he was willing to do whatever it took to help. He swirled and scissored his two fingers, deftly locating Izaya's prostate and attacking it mercilessly. He exalted in the shout it garnered and then he couldn't take anymore.

Pulling his fingers out, Shizuo popped the button of his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers, exposing his own hard length. Just watching and being with Izaya still effected him so strongly, he was sure he could get off just watching Izaya – but that would have to wait for another time.

Taking a firm hold of Izaya's hair, he bent his lover over the side of the tub and snapped his hips forward, earning himself a short cry. Izaya gripped at the rim hard enough to turn his fingers white, head tilted back thanks to the hold Shizuo had on him. Mouth attaching to Izaya's neck, Shizuo didn't hold back. Teeth nipping harshly into flesh, he fucked Izaya fast and hard, all else falling to the wayside. His free hand went around to pump Izaya's cock while his hips set a furious pace. All that kept going through his mind was making Izaya feel, was bringing the Izaya he knew back to him.

Izaya came first, shouting at the ceiling and Shizuo tumbled right afterward, cumming hard with a noise muffled by his mouthful of flesh. He didn't care if he left a mark and in fact, a huge part of him wanted to permanently brand Izaya for his own means, though he knew that was crazy. He pulled out, panting thickly, his thoughts muted and body shaking as he turned off the shower head.

After a long moment, Izaya slid, boneless, down into the sudsy water – the drain must have been stepped on and thus closed for the water to build up – and dragged Shizuo down with him. Even though Shizuo was the bigger of the two, he ended up in front – not that he minded. He felt Izaya press his forehead into his back between his shoulder blades and then warm lips touched his skin. Slender hands ran over his sides and moved inward to his stomach. It didn't seem like those hands had a destination, it was more they were just moving, mapping out his body. Needless to say, he didn't mind that, either.

When the water started getting cold, Shizuo shut it off and, after disentangling himself, stood up. "Come on, louse, it's time for bed."

He washed off some bubbles and stepped out into the steamy room, the tiles slick beneath his feet because of spilled water. Holding out his hand, he waited for Izaya to take it, then lifted him up and helped him out.

"Take this off already," Shizuo said, pulling on Izaya's shirt until he lifted his arms for it to be removed.

Shizuo tossed it off to the side and smirked when it landed somewhere with a wet plopping noise. He grabbed a couple towels and gave one to Izaya while using the other to dry himself off. He dried his body, then scrubbed at his hair before tying the towel loosely around his waist. Izaya had only finished drying his body, so Shizuo took the towel and did Izaya's hair for him, massaging the other's scalp through the cloth.

"Are you feeling better?" Shizuo asked tentatively.

Izaya paused, then smiled and leaned in to press a light kiss to his lips. "I feel good."

It was a relief and yet it wasn't because Shizuo was still worried. He decided not to press though, knowing that if he did, Izaya's 'good' mood would likely disappear. So instead he took Izaya to the bedroom, not caring what time it was. He knew the sun was down and that was enough to tell him it was time for bed. He was exhausted after working so many hours and he could think of nothing better than curling up with his lover.

He pulled back the big red comforter and watched Izaya drop the towel before crawling in. Shizuo followed, then let Izaya maneuver them around. He didn't have any particular position he liked to sleep in and he always let Izaya do whatever he wanted, just like now. None of the lights had been on, so the room was dark and already he felt himself relaxing. He was sure Izaya had just been busy all day and it had left him drained. That was why the other had been so out of it, he was tired.

Just tired.

"Hey," he whispered into the darkness they were caved in under the covers. "When did you wanna go try out that new restaurant?"

Izaya had mentioned wanting to try a new restaurant that had just opened not far away. It served sushi, thus the basis of its appeal as far as Izaya was concerned. Shizuo wasn't sure why he'd remembered it then of all times, but that didn't matter, he supposed.

He felt Izaya shrug. "I have all weekend."

Shizuo waited, but Izaya said no more, so he just hummed to let Izaya known he'd heard. His brows were somewhat furrowed and there was a small frown on his face because he was having a little dilemma. His own weekend was booked solid – not that Izaya bothered to ask – because he had a ton of debts to pay and had a lot of work ahead of him to cover it all. He could potentially free himself for a couple hours at some point, but Izaya never gave him a time frame.

"Ah, okay... then let me know and maybe we can work something out." Izaya hummed and Shizuo stayed still for awhile before he just couldn't help himself. "Just one more thing. I don't mind at all, but... Izaya," he looked over his shoulder, "why am I the little spoon?"

Izaya didn't answer – he just laughed and held on tighter, the sound a relief to hear. Yet long after Izaya had fallen asleep, Shizuo remained awake, his thoughts too loud to let him sleep.

-o-O-o-

Two days later, Izaya was in the back of a limo with someone he hadn't seen in far too long. He was looking out the window and he propped his elbow on the door so he could rest his chin on his closed fist. The lights sped by, buildings nothing but a blur, and every person was gray and faceless. None of it meant anything to him just as none of it could rouse his interest. There were so many people to play with, yet they were just gray-faced nobodies no matter how long he watched them go about their lives. There was nothing out of the ordinary, all of them going through the motions – shopping, talking, never pushing themselves to see what they were made of or what potential they possessed.

Boring.

Disappointing.

Dull.

"You're quieter than I remember."

Izaya's nose twitched up, his gaze never leaving the window. "Look at them. Look at how ordinary they are."

Shiki glanced out the window, unmoved. "No different than usual."

"Exactly. They're so... uninspired."

"So, inspire them."

And therein was the problem. Izaya wanted to, but he himself was as uninspired as the rest of them. He didn't feel like himself, didn't feel as alive as he used to. It was like a wet blanket had been thrown over him and he couldn't find his way out. He was trapped, smothered and not knowing how to lift the veil.

He was stuck at an impasse, a pivotal point along intersections that led nowhere and everywhere. He had gigantic passion, but there was a flaw in his machinations. A cog wasn't turning, the flow had been stilled, his will was unaccountably weakened and it was vexing. He was a jumble of wants, misgivings, and a perfidious sense of contentedness.

Izaya had the strange feeling that he wasn't himself anymore, instead being a mere fraction of what he used to be. Like he'd somehow been disassembled without realizing and had been put back together... wrong. He didn't fit within his own body, his soul was screaming, but he was too numb to feel it. He was moving through a fog, shrouded in a shadow, trying to breathe when there was no air.

He was suffocating.

He was drowning.

Somehow, he'd become a gatherer of dust, his insides cavernous and hollow. He could even walk into Ikebukuro and go unnoticed, its people already accustomed to his presence. They didn't fear him and in extension, didn't respect him, either.

"Would that I could," he mumbled.

Shiki paused in his reading and looked up, a brow raised. "And why can't you?"

Izaya blinked, confused, and... why couldn't he? "I... don't know."

"Are you feeling all right?" Shiki asked, sounding as close to worried as Shiki ever got.

"Yes."

"Liar."

Izaya smirked, relieved he could always rely on Shiki to call him on his bullshit. But that relief was short lived. Almost immediately, the discontent was on him again, consuming him, wrapping around him and not letting him go.

"You're still dating that blond from Ikebukuro, aren't you?" Shiki asked suddenly, pulling Izaya from his thoughts.

He tipped his head even more until his forehead touched the cool glass of the window. "I wouldn't say dating, but sleeping with him, yes."

The word dating and all that was in connotation with it left a bad taste in his mouth, so it was best to avoid that word. He knew he'd been doing more than just sleeping with Shizuo for the past six months or so and Shiki probably knew that too, but dating, that was too much. He preferred to keep whatever he had with Shizuo unlabeled.

"You don't seem happy about it."

"I'm..." Izaya trailed off, sitting up a little straighter. What was he? "I'm satisfied."

Shiki's gaze suddenly felt heavy. "Simply saying it doesn't make it so."

"I'm not just saying it, I really am satisfied."

"No... you're not," Shiki said slowly, eyes sharp and glinting in the street light coming through the windows. "I've never seen you like this. Not when we were together, nor with any other partner you've taken on. None have ever lasted so long, either."

"What are you getting at?"

Shiki shrugged, but his eyes remained probing. "Only that you're not yourself and haven't been for awhile now. I haven't seen you for months."

Hit the nail on the head with that. Izaya hardly recognized himself anymore and he didn't know why. The biggest difference in his life was that he was with Shizuo, but that was a positive, not a negative change. Shizuo really did satisfy him, he had little to complain about, especially in the aspect of their sex lives. Shizuo wasn't the most intelligent person, but he had a big heart; he was attentive, unexpectedly gentle, and eager to please.

Even still, Izaya was second guessing himself. The notion made him restless, so much so he nearly wriggled uncomfortably in his seat.

He found himself thinking back to the first time he'd ever met Shizuo. There had been nothing particularly special about that day, he'd walked by thousands of people, but Shizuo alone had made him stop and turn his head. People were forgettable, faces and names even more so, but Izaya had known from the first moment he'd seen the protozoan that Shizuo was someone he'd never take his eyes off of again. The reasons for that were obscure, but clear – a conundrum. Shizuo had confused him, excited him. There was so much anger and power behind those golden eyes and muscular body.

Izaya had seen Shizuo and instantly wanted to break him.

Swallowing, Izaya crossed his right leg over his left one and kept his arm propped on the armrest so he could touch his lips and chin while he thought. "Do you think it's Shizuo?"

"It could be, but I really can't say. Only you'd know something like that."

"I find your advice seriously lacking."

"The same can be said of your work ethic."

The words stung, but only because they were so true. He'd barely been working at all, doing the absolute bare minimum to get by. He had plenty of money, so that wasn't the issue. The issue was he'd lost all desire and motivation to do what he did best and that was unacceptable.

"Speaking of work," Izaya said, looking at the papers in Shiki's lap, "what's all that?"

Shiki leveled him with a hard look. "Shinra, Celty, and myself have been working hard to pinpoint a new gang that has risen up within Ikebukuro. Would have been able to do it a lot faster if we'd had the help of a certain informant."

The slight bounced right off Izaya, he was too busy staring the papers, only having heard half of what Shiki had said. His mind was suddenly working again, clearing up for the first time in... he didn't even know. Too long.

"I suppose you'll be wanting to eradicate them, won't you?" Izaya ventured, lifting his gaze to Shiki's.

Shiki, always so perceptive, missed nothing and picked up on him right away. There was no way Shiki could know exactly what he was thinking, obviously, but he was sure Shiki could at least figure out the general idea.

"Let me see what you've got so far," Izaya went on, holding out his hand.

Without a word, Shiki handed them over and Izaya flipped through them. Excitement – real excitement – began coursing through him the more he read. A potential treaty had been offered to this new gang, Tuerie, they called themselves – an apt name because of the nature of their work – had been viciously declined.

More bodies had been found, more people from other gangs targeted.

It was perfect.

"I'll take care of them," Izaya said, holding the papers to his chest.

Shiki leaned back in his seat, staring intently. "Will you?"

"Yes."

"Uh-huh... how?"

Izaya smiled. "I'm going to bring about the apocalypse."

"I wouldn't advise that," Shiki said slowly. "But I can already see there's no changing your mind."

He knew Shiki didn't like the idea, but he didn't care. He _needed _this. He'd been next to dormant for long enough, he had to wake up and get back in the groove before he lost himself completely.

"You just sit back and watch," Izaya said with conviction.

"When will you be making your move?" Shiki asked. "I'd hate to have my men in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Tomorrow," Izaya replied, mind working furiously and it was _brilliant._ "Tomorrow night, just after sunset."

"And what should I tell Shinra?"

"Nothing, of course. If he asks anything before tomorrow night, defer him to me." Izaya looked back out the window, seeing the world so differently than he had only moments before. "Things are about to finally get interesting."

It was time for Izaya to wake up.

-o-O-o-

_Fall_

-o-O-o-

It had all happened in a whirl of motion and when he thought about it, it was all really just a blur in his mind. It had been so clear at the time, what he'd wanted to do and how he was going to do it. Once Shiki had dropped him off at his apartment, he'd been out and about. He hadn't stopped to eat or sleep and just kept going, fueled by the excitement he craved so much. He had the idea and he clung to it with both hands, desperate to make things right again in his life.

Using the information he'd gotten from Shiki, he'd gone out that same night and done more work than he had in the past two or three months combined. He'd whispered in the right ears, procured just the right amount of evidence, and informed the right people exactly what he wanted them to know.

It was easy. So easy.

The following day had been spent nourishing the seeds he'd planted and he watched them _grow. _Everything just took off right before his eyes, leaping straight out of his hands and taking on a mind of its own. He wielded his vast network of connections and watched it produce maximum results with minimum effort.

Seemed he hadn't lost his touch, after all.

He didn't stop to consider if what he was doing was right or wrong. This was something he needed to do, it was necessary.

Night had come and he was Ikebukuro, waiting for the show to begin. He had a prime spot where he could see everything without being seen. He wouldn't be actively taking part in the fighting – there would be fighting, a lot of it if all went well – but since he was the cause, he didn't want to miss a moment.

It was early, the sun having just gone down, and already members of the Tuerie gang were showing up. There were only fifteen people in the gang and how one that small could cause so much trouble was beyond him. Apparently him taking some time off let such filth infiltrate, but that would no longer be an issue. He wouldn't let it happen again.

A shout from below announced the start and seconds later, gunshots rang out – it was music to his ears. His eyes scanned the moving masses below, searching for a familiar mop of golden hair. It wasn't hard to spot. Fifteen versus one may have seemed like terrible odds to some, but for someone like Shizuo, that was just a walk in the park. That was why Izaya had taken special care to make sure the whole thing went down in the small park within Ikebukuro, just for the irony of it.

People on the streets nearby could be heard shouting and screaming, but it was drowned out by the sound of bullets. Members of the Tuerie gang fell one by one, Shizuo defending himself flawlessly. Even from a distance, Shizuo could see his strength, his anger, and it was beautiful.

Izaya stood and he watched the madness unfold just as he'd planned, just as he'd wanted it to and yet... there was no satisfaction in it. Adrenaline raced through his veins, his heart was pounding, but... he wasn't satisfied. Gunshots fired, all was chaos, and he'd been the mastermind behind the whole thing. He should be proud, he'd successfully brought an apocalypse to Ikebukuro and it thrilled him while the taste of bile colored the back of his throat.

The fighting seemed to drag on even though the reality of it was that it hadn't been going on long at all. Izaya's eyes were glued to Shizuo, yet he'd somehow missed when Shizuo had been shot, more than once. Bodies were strewn across the grass, others trying to get away, and in all the madness, right at the end, when the last Tuerie had fallen, Shizuo also fell.

That was probably the worst part, watching such a strong man fall. Izaya should have enjoyed seeing Shizuo struggle to stand only to fall again, but he didn't. Instead, something perilously close to fear gripped him and he ran. With no care whatsoever for anyone else or for himself, he ran down to Shizuo. He came to a skidding halt on his knees, turned Shizuo onto his back, and brushed blond bangs aside. The idiot's sunglasses were smashed, so he got rid of them, tossing them off to the side. And blood saturated the entirety of Shizuo's front, there was blood everywhere, all was red.

"I-Izaya?" Shizuo asked, confused and voice gravely, weak. "Wh—at, I don –"

"Don't talk," Izaya snapped, one hand holding Shizuo's head in his lap and his other one trying to apply pressure to the wound. But there were too many, at least four, maybe more. Shizuo made a wet choking sound, a failed attempt at words, and Izaya found himself saying repeatedly, "Don't die." Red and blue lights flashed, the police had shown up, an ambulance not far off. He could feel Shizuo slipping away, breaths ragged and the dark feeling gripping Izaya held on tighter. Angry, Izaya grabbed Shizuo's hair, yanking on it, and he leaned in close saying fiercely, "You can't die. Your life belongs to _me._"

Even through the pain, Shizuo was incredulous, that was easy to see, and Izaya couldn't blame him. He'd told Shizuo to meet him in the park. He knew Shizuo would do what he told him to. He'd set Shizuo up for the thrill and the thing was, it _had _been thrilling.

"Wh—y w-would you..." Shizuo's voice was a rough rasp, like sandpaper over concrete.

"I had to, don't you see?" The words spilled right out of him, though he knew they wouldn't make much sense. "It had all become so dead, but I gave it life again." He began to rock slowly, one arm holding Shizuo's head, his other hand brushing haphazardly through blood matted blond hair. Something in him filled, then cracked, each feeling a juxtaposition to another. "Come on," Izaya cajoled, ignoring the somewhat desperate edge to his voice. He put his pointer finger on the edge of Shizuo's mouth and pulled the skin upward. "Smile for me? Please?"

But Shizuo didn't smile, he just stared with eyes that were steadily getting duller.

Rapidly duller.

Glazed.

Blank.

The ambulance arrived, Izaya screamed for it to come his way. Shizuo had to be pried from his clutching fingers and when he was, he was taken away. Izaya was restrained, so, like before, he could only watch. Time lost all meaning, nothing made sense. He watched the fruits of his labor, saw the result of what he'd done.

He'd convinced himself that Shizuo would be all right going into a fight like that with no warning. Monsters like him prevailed, monsters like him where unstoppable and unbeatable. But the monster of Ikebukuro wasn't a monster at all and the thing was, Izaya had well and truly _known_ that.

-o-O-o-

Izaya checked his phone – Shizuo had been in the hospital for ten hours and thirty-two minutes. He was sitting outside on a bench about three streets over from the park, the day gray and suitably overcast. There was even a slight bite in the air, the promise of rain pretty much a guarantee now that it had started to sprinkle. The madness from the night before had left and was replaced with a thick stillness, a misleading quiet.

He'd spoken to the doctor in charge of Shizuo, come to find out he would live. Surgery had been fast and successful, three of the five bullets having been through and through. The remaining two had been stuck in shallow places, one in Shizuo's right arm, the other in Shizuo's left shoulder. All the bullets had missed organs – Shizuo had been the very definition of lucky. A full recovery was expected and though that should have been a relief to hear, Izaya felt only a bit of it. He felt no regret, no remorse, but he did _feel._

Izaya continued to sit in the rain as it steadily picked up and let the sky bleed itself out in a way he couldn't emulate. Even his coat, his beautiful, fluffy coat could do nothing for him. The fabric was saturated and hung to his slim form, clinging dismally to his skin and clothes. For once, the coat offered no warmth and instead served only to weigh him down and put a chill in his bones.

But then it wasn't raining anymore. Well, yes it was, but it wasn't hitting him. Leaning his head back, he looked up and found a blue umbrella hovering over him. He recognized the hand holding the stem and he lowered his head once more, looking hard at the ground, not sure if he wanted to laugh or yell.

He did neither and instead scoffed quietly, "You always find me, don't you?"

Shizuo didn't answer and the silence that followed stretched on and on. They were just two people there on the sidewalk as the world kept right on turning. The rush of cars on the street was loud, the rain even louder, but louder still was the silence. It rang in Izaya's ears, begging to be filled with something, yet all he could offer was the sound of more rain.

"This shouldn't have surprised you," Izaya said after awhile in a soft voice, peaking a quick glance up at Shizuo who was wearing jeans and a short sleeve gray shirt, neither of which belonged to him. Probably clothes from the hospital, ones that had been stolen when Shizuo had escaped, if he were to guess. "You know I'm a manipulator, _you know _I do stuff like this."

"Yeah, I know," Shizuo replied slowly, brows drawn together as he looked toward the ground. His voice was quiet – tired – and like Izaya, he looked like he hadn't slept a wink for days. "I just... didn't know that that was something I had to worry about."

"I'm going to try and kill you again."

"Yeah, I know." A pause and a sigh. "But next time, make sure I really die."

_Next time. _

There would be a next time and they both knew it.

There would _always_ be a next time.

"If you know that, then what are you doing here?" Izaya asked.

Shizuo sighed again and there was something akin to coated affection in his voice when he said, "I've... found a stray cat that needs to be taken home."

A tentative smile tweaked at Izaya's lips as he laughed quietly under his breath and stood, legs stiff. "In that case, let's get going."

Side by side they started down the sidewalk in the direction of Izaya's apartment, walking close enough for the umbrella to hover over both of them, but not close enough that they touched at any point in time. Even though they weren't touching, Izaya could still feel Shizuo's radiating heat and it drew him in as it always had. He wanted to wrap himself up in it, wanted Shizuo's impossibly strong arms to close around him and squeeze.

But... there was a barrier between them now, one he knew he wasn't welcome to cross. He'd been the one to put it there and though he wanted to remove it, he wanted to keep it there just as much.

"Why'd you do it?"

Ah, there was one of the questions Izaya had been waiting for. He'd known it was going to come about at some point and he was a little surprised it had taken so long to show up. Not that it matter, really, because his answer would remain the same.

"No reason."

A lie, he knew exactly why he'd done it, but that was the only answer he was willing to give. Shizuo didn't openly react, just kept staring straight ahead, almost seeming to mull things over. That was somewhat disappointing, but a lot more unnerving. Shizuo had always been easy to read and quick to anger, Izaya had thought a lie would be a surefire way to set the other off.

Apparently not.

Izaya turned his gaze to a group of people running down the opposite sidewalk, their feet sending up waves and splashes of water in their wake.

"You can't make them like you back, you know."

His brows furrowed. His infatuation with humans wasn't at all a secret, but Shizuo had never mentioned it or brought it up before.

"Don't talk about things you know nothing of."

Shizuo made a dull grunting noise, sounding almost bitter. "I know plenty, I did more than just fuck you."

There was bite to the words, though he felt no sting, and it finally dawned on Izaya that Shizuo wasn't indifferent, he was _furious, _it was just harder to see this time around. It was hidden, yet right there on the surface, just beneath Shizuo's skin, rippling and fluctuating there like a living thing. Izaya wanted to bring it out, wanted it to be unleashed, not pent up.

"If you know so much, then you would know that I don't like humans, I love them."

Shizuo's teeth grit. "And you should know that as much as you love humans, they have no love for you. You can wave that knife of yours around all you want, but you can't make them love you."

"Do _you _love me, Shizu-chan?" Izaya scoffed, voice wrought with condescension.

There was a long pause, so long Izaya almost looked over again, but then, "No."

_Take it back_, Izaya found himself thinking viciously. _Tell me you didn't mean it. You're just mad right now, you'll get over it._

Yet stealing that glance over at Shizuo... Izaya had never seen the other so sure about something. And that was what really stung, though Izaya didn't let it show.

"I knew you'd survive, you know."

Another lie.

"Yeah? How?"

"Monsters always survive," he replied airily, trying to make the words hurt, trying to ignite Shizuo's anger.

Shizuo's head turned slowly and then Izaya found himself under the most intense gaze he'd ever seen. There was a weariness there, something old and deep and nothing like anything he would have expected from someone like Shizuo.

"Am I?"

"Aren't you?"

"Maybe," Shizuo conceded, looking away and Izaya was secretly glad for it... until Shizuo kept speaking. "But when you cut me, I bleed, just like anyone else."

Almost unconsciously, Shizuo's right hand rose to touch where some of the wounds lay buried beneath layers of cloth and bandage. Something cold, a feeling made of ice, sliced through Izaya's chest and his stomach sank. They walked in silence for awhile and Izaya didn't even notice they'd arrived at his place until Shizuo stopped.

"I'm not sorry," Izaya whispered, stepping up onto the stoop so the awning was over his head.

Shizuo stared at him some more, then nodded. "I know."

"I can't change who I am, Shizu-chan." He willed Shizuo to understand, trying so hard to convey himself and why this had been so important.

"You can," Shizuo replied in a hoarse voice that brooked no room for argument, "but you won't. I know that now." He looked away and his free hand clenched into a fist at his side. "I learned. So I won't ask you to be anything but what you are."

Izaya didn't know what to make of that, so he took a step toward the door, fishing in his pocket for his keys. There was no reason for them to continue this in the rain. But, for the first time ever, Shizuo didn't follow him.

Izaya stopped dead the instant he noticed and looked back over his shoulder. "Aren't you coming up?"

Shizuo shook his head. "My home is in Ikebukuro."

They just stood there as if facing off for a showdown, though both knew there would be no fighting. Once more, the silence stretched and gaped between them, that barrier seemingly getting wider and deeper.

"That's it?" Izaya eventually pressed. "You have nothing else to say?"

That gaze turned to intense again, the depths of gold roiling and filled with _so much,_ all of it indiscernible. In that moment, the ferocity was gone and there was something else there, something breakable and unyielding, broken and impassable. Izaya had no idea what to make of any of it and what worried him was that he also didn't know what kind of look he had on his own face.

When Shizuo's hand raised, Izaya didn't move. Whether he was going to be struck or otherwise, he wasn't going to move. So when that hand snagged a fistful of his shirt, he didn't react. But when it yanked and their mouths crashed together with a low groan from no definable source, he suddenly came to life. His arms wrapped tight around Shizuo's shoulders, both hands angling up to sift through damp golden hair, fingers clutching with all his strength.

Their lips moved together, teeth biting, tongues dancing, and it was _good. _Shizuo gave him everything within the kiss – fierce passion, chaotic finesse, intense feeling, it was perfect in all aspects. It was almost hard to believe that at one point, Shizuo couldn't kiss to save his life. Their wet bodies were pressed tight together, not a breath of air between them, and Izaya keened softly as he was ensconced in Shizuo's _heat._ He could feel Shizuo's heart beating rapidly against his chest and the hot tongue that swirled around his own was so all-encompassing that Izaya didn't even notice Shizuo had dropped the umbrella until a strong arm wrapped around his waist.

How long they kissed, he couldn't say. What he _could_ say was that every moment was brilliant and further seared into his memory. A hot body, an eager mouth, a slick tongue, damp hair, sodden clothes, all of it coalesced into something far greater than just a simple kiss.

Until Shizuo's mouth left his with a wet smack.

Until the arm around his waist was removed and the one on his chest shoved him away.

Izaya stumbled, but kept his balance, his mouth open in thick pants. Shizuo seemed worse off, lips also parted, but the other's cheeks were infused in a heavy flush, chest heaving with each breath, fists clenched at his sides. Shizuo's mouth opened wider as if to say something, but after a moment, he just shook his head and picked up his umbrella. Once more, there was an insurmountable amount of clandestine words and emotions burning in Shizuo's eyes. It was all right _there_, but unreachable.

And then it happened – Shizuo turned, raised the umbrella, and walked away.

Izaya watched with bated breath, waiting for the idiot to look back or turn around.

Neither happened.

The rain hissed against the ground and Shizuo's echoing footsteps got fainter and fainter. There wasn't a pause in those steps, not a single hesitation. Each one was steady and measured, unhurried despite the weather.

_He's not coming back,_ Izaya realized and found himself no longer on the stoop, but standing on the sidewalk. It was pouring now, the sheets of rain so thick he could hardly see the darker outline of Shizuo's retreating form. _He's really not coming back._

He took one step, then another, an arm starting to rise as if to reach out to the shadow of the man he could just barely see. When Shizuo was no longer in sight, his arm remained raised for a long moment before slowly falling to his side. A rumble of thunder sounded and his head tipped back, the rain not registering, he didn't even feel it anymore. He stared at the darkened sky and while there was a lot for him to think about, nothing was coming to mind. He was empty, yet full to the brim.

Standing there – lips tingling, chest heaving, heart aching – he laughed softly, though there was nothing funny, and the rain sluicing down his face stole away evidence of a different kind of downpour.

-o-O-o-

The walk back to his apartment was slow and dismal. The umbrella kept him dry enough, but it wasn't like he cared about the rain or getting wet.

The doors to his apartment building were already open and the two doors were big enough for both him and his umbrella to pass through. Dripping everywhere, he walked to elevator and pushed the call button, waiting there, umbrella still over his head, the stem resting against his shoulder. People were giving him looks as the elevator opened and he stepped on, pushing the button of his floor numbly.

He rode up in silence, the jazzy elevator music a stark juxtaposition to the raindrops falling from him and the umbrella. He might have gone brilliantly insane if he'd had to endure the elevator car much longer, but as it was, the doors opened and he was able to walk down the hall to his door.

It was unlocked, as usual, and he went to walk in, but got... stopped.

The door wasn't wide enough for the umbrella, so he gave it a little tug in hopes that it would squeeze through.

It didn't.

Shizuo stood there in the doorway, stock still, stuck, the sound of droplets hitting the floor and his own easy breathing the only things filling the silence. It was seconds later that the calm he'd been clinging to broke, shattered just the like the umbrella did when he forcefully yanked it through the door and threw it across the apartment.

Storming into his apartment, anything and everything he came in contact with wasn't spared. He threw a chair into his kitchen and picked up a vase, flowers and all, and smashed it into the counter, the glass tearing his palm to shreds. He didn't care, didn't even notice as he upended the couch and tossed it to smash into the far wall, barely missing the two large windows.

A blood smear was left along the wall next to his door on his way to get to the TV which he picked up and made sure went careening through a window, showering glass on the street below and letting the rain in. Turning on the wall, he punched it hard, leaving a sizable dent in the plaster. It bloodied his knuckles, but he kept punching it and punching it, not feeling any of the pain. All he felt was rage and anger and hurt and that only made him punch the wall harder and harder, so hard he broke through plaster and insulation until he was pummeling his fist again and again into the metal beams behind.

When his skin was raw, some of it hanging off his hand, he stepped back. Shaking and wild eyed, both hands went up to his head, fingers clawing into skin and hair to find purchase.

And then he yelled.

It could be said that he'd lost his mind at that point, thrown it right out the window with the TV, but he didn't care. _Couldn't _care. Wind and rain rushed into his apartment, buffeting his body, swaying and misting his clothes, and he just kept yelling. Doubled over, hands on his face and in his hair, yelling, yelling, _yelling_ until his lungs burned and his voice went hoarse.

When the police came, tentatively entering the gale inside his apartment, he yelled at them too. Not words, just yelling, voice indistinguishable in all his rage. The two officers, out of their depth more than they knew, backed up when he went for them and he swore he could taste their fear on his tongue. He backed them out of his apartment and ripped the door off its hinges, throwing it at them down the hall to keep them at bay.

He wasn't sure what became of them after that, all he remembered was retreating back into his apartment and punching his wooden coffee table until it broke in half. His whole body was wet, the wind coming from the south and thus blowing right through his window in strong, water-laden gusts.

When Shinra appeared, Shizuo almost punched him. He held back only because who it was registered at the last second. Shinra wasn't his enemy, he couldn't strike his friend, and Celty would be mad at him if he did.

"What do you want?" Shizuo seethed through clenched teeth.

"To get you out of here before the police show up again," Shinra replied, voice raised over the sound coming in through the window.

"I don't want to go anywhere. Leave me alone!"

"I can't do that!" Shinra took a couple steps into the apartment. "You've got to calm down! Using that strength of yours on those cops sca –"

Shizuo clamped both hands on his head and yelled, "I'm not strong! I'm normal! I'm _human_, don't you get it?"

He hated his strength, hated that he wasn't normal, hated that he was called a monster. And all that hate made him _pathetic_ and feeling pathetic made him _angry_.

Shinra stepped closer still. "You should be proud of who you are, Shizuo. Being normal is... it's lame. Why do you want to be human so bad?"

Hands dropping, Shizuo fell to his knees and thundered, "Because if I was, Izaya would –"

_...love me._

A thick silence encompassed the room as Shizuo cut himself off, eyes wide and startled. Shinra had the decency to keep quiet and the muted thud of his feet on the floor as he slowly walked over seemed too loud, much too loud. When Shinra's hand touched Shizuo's shoulder, he looked up, expecting to find Shinra's usual teasing face, but what he found was an expression more closely related to sympathy.

"No." The hand on his shoulder gave a squeeze and Shinra's voice was a soft, gentle rebuke. "No, he wouldn't."

Shizuo knew that, in a way he had always known, but hearing it out loud from someone whose words had weight to them, he couldn't delude himself anymore. The last of his hopes were extinguished and he deflated right there in the middle of his ruined apartment with just the sound of the wind whistling through the broken window filling the quiet. Shinra's hand gave his shoulder another squeeze, that connection between them the only warmth Shizuo felt until the hand was removed and Shinra was gone.

He was alone not five minutes before Celty was there and when she offered him a hand, he took it. He was strong and stubborn, but he always seemed to find himself willing to let Celty boss him. She was straightforward with him and didn't speak in riddles or with twisted words. She didn't do things and expect him to figure out what she meant. She told him things and he understood.

She took him out of his apartment, down the elevator, and out to her bike. He didn't care about the rain and obediently got on behind Celty, steadying himself on the bars toward the back end. The ride to Shinra's was one of those things that went by in a blur and it wasn't until Celty parked that he realized the rain hadn't bothered him because a helmet had been put on his head. Once he was inside and seated on the couch, lifeless and lax, he must have passed out. He had to have because the next thing he knew he was lying down, in dry clothes, and all his wounds were bandaged.

Celty walked in then and he struggled to sit up, feeling slow and groggy like he had a hangover. A glass of water was brought to him and he took it, sipping to help clear out the foul taste in his mouth.

"How long?" Shizuo croaked, pinching the bridge of his nose as his headache fluctuated.

He flinched impressively as the bright light of Celty's phone was all but shoved into his face and it took a fair amount of squinting to make out the words. _"Eight hours."_

Humming, he took another sip of water, then set the glass down on the table before leaning heavily back into the sofa. His body felt sluggish and stiff, his hands raw and clumsy. The wounds themselves didn't hurt as much as they should so he could only guess that Shinra had given himself without his permission, not that he really cared. Celty sat down next to him, helmetless and that steady wisp of black aura rising in languid streams. It was quiet for a few minutes until Celty typed something out and held her phone in front of him, slower this time, conscious of his aversion to bright lights.

_"Did you love him?"_

See? Blunt. Straight and to the point without preamble.

The question didn't bother him as much as he thought it would, though it did send a pang of something uncomfortable through his gut. Aside from that, he was almost numb, his mind clearer now despite the laggard shroud over his body.

"I could have," he eventually replied, then paused, a sour taste coming to the back of his throat. "I... god, I wanted to."

He shouldn't have been surprised at just how much he'd wanted to, but it still surprised him all the same. Shizuo knew he was freakishly strong, that in some ways he really was a monster because of his mannerisms and rage. But now he was beginning to see things differently, the circumstances of his wounds casting a new light on... everything.

And Izaya... he was _selfish_. At the end of the day, it wouldn't be about anyone but Izaya. He was sure Izaya didn't know what love was. Izaya loved humans, but he didn't care anything for them. He loved to manipulate people, find out what made them tick, then use that against them to see what they would do. It was cruel, what Izaya did. _That_ was Izaya's only form of love, it was tainted and poisoned, yet... Shizuo still wanted it, fucking _craved_ it.

And the thing was, Shizuo would have given Izaya everything. He'd tried to, but all he'd really gotten was reprimanded for it. Not in words so much as in actions, though there had been plenty of things Izaya had said that either made his stomach sink or heart drop.

"It all would have come crashing down eventually," he said, watching as a puff of black smoke came out. He eyed it, squinting at it as it dissipated like it held actual words within it. Maybe he was getting better at reading the aura or maybe he was still a little out his mind, but he found himself snorting. "You already knew that, didn't you?"

Celty's body jolted and more smoke came out in irregular spikes – it was very reminiscent of the fur along the back of a startled cat. Her shoulders had drawn up into a defensive position and her arms were bent at her sides, fingers twitching like she wanted to type something out, but didn't know what.

He actually chuckled at that and shook his head. "No, it's all right. I should have listened to you from the beginning."

Celty really did type something out then and showed it to him in a hurry. _"But you were happy."_

"Maybe I was, but..."

But that happiness was never mean to last and he was actually surprised it had gone on as long as it had. He'd been a fool, he really had. He'd known Izaya for years, he'd _known_ Izaya was selfish, that Izaya would always put himself first, yet he'd still fallen into the trap thinking, hoping that maybe Izaya would change for him. He didn't know what to think anymore. He understood he had flaws, that he wasn't perfect, that he did stupid shit a lot and that he was clumsy and kind of awkward. There were times that he really believed Izaya had wanted him, had wanted to be with him because of who he was, but the longer their relationship had gone on, the more sparse those moments had become. Like Izaya was steadily losing interest in him and thus cared less.

And oh, how he'd hated that feeling. He hated what he felt now, but the way Izaya had made him feel towards the end there, that had just... he never wanted to feel like that again. The disappointment, the feeling that no matter what he did, it wasn't good enough. He'd felt more like a way to pass the time than anything and the thing was, even now, he knew he'd still try for Izaya. He'd still do everything he could to spend time with the man because there were things to love about the informant.

A bright light was thrust into his face. _"You're thinking too much."_

"Huh?"

She waved her phone a little as if saying the same thing again and her other hand came out to first poke at his brow, which he realized was furrowed impressively, then to prod at the side of his mouth where his lips were turned down into a deep frown. Her hand and phone retreated and he snorted softly, forcing himself to loosen up a bit.

Just then, he almost felt bad for Izaya. He had Celty to talk to and Shinra wasn't far off, lingering to take care of Shizuo's wounds or join into the conversation if needed. Literally. Though Shinra hadn't made an actual appearance as of yet, Shizuo knew he was listening intently from his office in the next room. Meanwhile, who did Izaya have, if anyone?

And it was just another hit to his heart that despite everything, he was still worrying about Izaya. Because though he'd known not to fall for the bastard, he had all the same.

Laughing softly with absolutely no humor, he raised a hand and ran it tiredly over his face. "Made a real mess this time, haven't I?"

It was a rhetorical question, but he got an answer anyway, one that didn't come via text. Celty's phone was dropped on the couch, her arms raised in front of her, fingers twitching for a moment before she threw herself at him. Her arms wrapped around him and she _hugged_ him. It was exactly what he needed, though he never would have known if she hadn't done it.

Granted, it was a little weird to hug someone without a head, but it only took him half a second to get over it. Her arms were strong and they _held_ him. It was moments like these where Shizuo could see exactly why Shinra loved Celty so much. She was headless, yeah, but her heart was big and her feelings pure. He wouldn't even deny that he fervently wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her shoulder.

Surprisingly, or maybe not so surprising, no tears came. His eyes were dry and remained so, however, there was still a stone in his stomach, a heavy weight that made him feel sick. He didn't have the energy to yell or put up a fight, all he could do was sigh and let Celty hold him, her hand patting his back and rubbing every so often. He could feel the gentle wafting of her aura against the left side of his face and that, too, was comforting. It was warm and almost like a caress the way it would gently tease at his hair and slide over his skin.

"I hope you're not getting too comfortable in there!"

Without raising his head, Shizuo lifted his left arm, stretching out toward the sound of Shinra's voice, his middle finger raised high. The sound of Shinra chuckling served to lighten the mood and he pulled back from Celty, thanking her silently with a pat squeeze to her bicep.

He was sad and heartbroken, he acknowledged that, but it would do no good to dwell on any of it. He had to pull himself together for reasons that weren't entirely for his own benefit. Shizuo was strong, so he'd use that strength to get him through this. He had Celty and Shinra, he'd find a way. He could do this, he knew.

And though he was dense and not so very good with riddles, he was pretty sure he'd figured out what Izaya wanted from him. Actions spoke louder than words, after all.

Celty held her phone up then, cutting off his train of thought. _"What will you do now?"_

"Get new sunglasses," was his immediate answer. He'd been rather fond of his old pair, but those were smashed to bits, just like his apartment. Speaking of which – "Find a new place and then... keep Ikebukuro clean." The puff of smoke that came out in a graceful wisp seemed vaguely confused, so he clarified, "A flea infestation would ruin the city."

-o-O-o-

_Down_

-o-O-o-

It took three days for Izaya to make his way into Ikebukuro and what greeted him was a familiar, "Izaya-kuuuun!"

And there was Shizuo, wearing that stupid bartender outfit, the mere sight of it making Izaya's lip curl. Hostility was written in every line of Shizuo's face, even the sunglasses he wore could do little to hide the rage that seeped out in heady waves. Izaya basked in it, thrilled in it, it got his blood pumping and heart racing.

"Do you miss me yet, Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked with a faux pout.

Shizuo's hands twitched like he wanted to punch something. "Hard to miss something I never had."

The words were biting and they cut, but Izaya only have a flippant shrug. But standing there, facing Shizuo with barrier between them, one that couldn't be crossed, that was when it happened. It all came in a rush, an understanding of immense clarity that burned through the fog that had been clouding Izaya's thoughts for so long.

"I _hate_ you," Izaya said, voice edged in incredulity because it felt like he was just realizing that after knowing it all along.

Shizuo didn't so much as flinch, but his lips pulled back, twisting his face into a silent snarl. He looked furious and disgusted and it made Izaya feel more alive than he ever head. It felt like there was a stone in his gut, but his heart was beating out an excited trill, sending a wave of adrenaline through him, his thoughts a rapid fire of lucidity. He brought out his knife and flipped his wrist, bringing out the blade. Before the day was through, it would draw blood, but Shizuo would survive – Shizuo always survived.

_This _was what Izaya had been missing from Shizuo. He needed everything Shizuo could give him and _more_, so much more. He needed something he could only get from the monster that Shizuo was. He thrived on it, this strong, combative force that clashed so resplendently against him. There could be no friction without an opposing force and Shizuo brought out the best of him that way.

More barbed words were said, ones meant to hurt and scathe. From then on, it could be said that Shizuo was even fouler than before, more bitter, quicker to anger and there was such delicious fury behind those molten gold eyes. Izaya reveled in it as much as he despised it and it was so easy to fall back into an old pattern that was in itself new.

So, they started up their vicious dance once more, picking up right where they'd left off like there had never been anything between them other than hostility. Neither could regret what had transpired between them because for a moment, they'd had something great. But gone was the kissing, gone was the touching, gone were the soft words and tender feelings, never to return again. A tantalizing danger took its place, making each step more perilous than the last.

Yet the pair of them continued on, never getting closer and never getting farther apart. And all the while they had eyes only for each other – one too smart and one too stupid to realize that what fueled them wasn't hate at all.

**THE END**


End file.
